Dating can be Awkward

Yep. A post about April's dating life (another one? yes).
I was talking to a friend the other day and I realized what a strange dating life I have had. I have some pretty amazing stories. Amazing meaning abnormal.
See, I have a strange talent for attracting two kinds of guys (with some exceptions. Clearly.)
Nerds/Weirdos
Bad boys who are fascinated by my Molly Mormon-ness
I thought it was about time my blog got a taste of some of the strange dates I've been on/been asked on. On the bright side, I am getting much better at saying no when I really don't want to go.
Let's start with the Nerd/Weirdos category. I have been asked on a date to the Physics lab (dinner first, lab homework after), I have been shown a 25 year old's high school year books on a date(*yawn*), been asked through email, text, and facebook (which I understand there are circumstances that make that okay, but there are circumstances where that isn't okay), and had high fives, hand shakes and guys that stay 10 feet away at the door step. I've even been just dropped off. I've had dates where my date said maybe two sentences to me the whole time, or disappeared for half of the date. One guy put me in a head lock and gave me a noogie. Don't worry, I punched him. Oh, and don't forget the Freshman who took me out on his meal plan (I was a Junior at the time).
Then there was Elvis Jr. (yes, he was named after his father) visiting from Tennessee. It was a blind date that Claire was supposed to go on, but backed out to go on a date with her boyfriend (fair move). So I went. It was for a dance, so we had a day date the night before the dance date. For the day date, we went to a corn maze (it was a group date). Problem: Elvis was meeting us there. His family lives in Utah, so he was spending some time with them. So while everyone was chatting it up with their dates, I was staring out of the window of the 15 passenger van for a half an hour. I sure felt cool. When we got there, it turned out that Elvis' family came along. They did the corn maze with us. His little sisters were running everywhere giggling, and his dad gave me a handful of corn to throw at Elvis. I didn't. Awkward. Elvis didn't talk to me much. He seemed a little strange. Then we left, and he stayed with his family. Another half an hour back by myself. Great. The huge van stopped to get everyone Krispy Kreme doughnuts. The guys tried to quietly discuss who would be paying for me. They were all just paying for their dates, but at this point, I had no date. Fabulous. I made up a new rule on the spot: I don't eat doughnuts after 10. It's unhealthy. Relieved, I was ignored once again.
The next day was the dance. It was an informal Homecoming dance, so the guys decided to do matching shirts like Sadie Hawkins in High School. Elvis bought us Yoda shirts. That's not embarrassing to show up to dance in. He didn't talk much, and when he did, it was phrases like, "I don't believe in love". Oh. Okay. Great. Not that I was thinking this was going anywhere, but isn't that a bit strange to say on a date? Anyway, then we went to the dance. Oh, dear. Elvis did his model walk impression. great. Then he "sprained his ankle". He would sit on the floor for a while, but then he would forget it was sprained, and jump up and dance. Then he would remember again how hurt he was (10 minutes later or so), and the cycle continued. Fabulous. Man, I think I'm getting really tired - is it time to go yet?? Ugh. Anyway, after it was over, I was left with a green Yoda shirt, some awesome memories, and an aversion to the middle seat of 15 passenger vans.
For a short period of my life I went Blues dancing. Blues can be fun when it is with clean, fun guys, but the problem is that there is no guarantee that only good guys will want to dance. That's actually why I stopped going. One guy in particular that used to go was particularly fascinated by me. He enjoyed seeing if he could freak me out, awkward me out, or in general push my boundaries. He was a nice guy, but not my normal type (tattoos, earrings, beard, etc.). He liked to ask me if we were friends or if I was afraid of him. Then I stopped going to Blues and he moved, so I thought I would never hear from him again. Then yesterday on Facebook, I got this message: "I remember you. I always thought you were so cute". That's all. Ooookay. "I remember you. I always thought you were weird"...
Sometimes I am just surprised by who asks me out. I have found that if I meet a guy and have a horrible first impression ("you drive me nuts!" "you are not my type" or "what a oddball!"), it is guaranteed that they will ask me out. I think I must be very attractive when I am rude, or something (This has happened many times). In my last ward there was a guy who kinda bugged me. As soon as I had mentioned this to my roommates, he was assigned to be my home teacher (thanks, up there, I get the point), and he asked me out. I had something going that night, so I couldn't go, but he couldn't take that as an answer - he kept questioning me. "Are you sure? I bet that will get out in time for you to go. Concerts always run short. You could come if you really wanted to." Umm, I still can't go. Now I feel awkward...
Oh, and I haven't even mentioned my high school stalker! For starters, he had some features in common with Napoleon Dynamite (the 'fro, the jeans...). I gave a talk in a Seminary Assembly in ninth grade, and the next day (the day after my birthday), he gave me a note thanking me for my talk, and saying "he would like to marry someone like me someday", and closed by giving me advice on being more humble with some included scriptures. He started eating lunch with my friends, and giving me more notes. Long story short there were several confrontations where I told him to leave me alone, but he continued to call me, write me notes, and ate lunch with my friends. One of his notes said that whenever he called or wrote me a note, he prayed about it first. Most of the notes included scriptural advice about what I should do with my life. Early on he told me I was a great girl, but I was "feisty". In context, I thought of it as a compliment. Once he gave me an "I'm sorry" rose. My dad and I thought I really needed to get rid of it, so we gave it to our neighbor for her birthday. She probably thought we were really strange.
Hahaha, well, that was fun to reminisce about. And really, there are so many more awkward and funny stories in my dating life. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks they are funny. *shrug* I am excited for the someday when I won't have to worry about any of it anymore. Then my stories will be even funnier. I will tell my teenage daughters about the good old days, and make them laugh. Hopefully they will realize that I've been through it too, and hopefully I won't forget what it was like to be here. Someday maybe someone normal and attractive will ask me out, and maybe I won't be too afraid of their awesomeness, and I will finally be done with the silly rules and non-communication and awkwardness of dating. But for now, I will build up my reservoir of I've-been-theres for my daughters, and hopefully make some funny memories. I think a mission would be a nice break, too. :)