Saturday, February 12, 2011

Adventuring

Last night Erilyn, Elise Evans (Vans), and I decided that we were not going to sit at home on a Friday night. It just wouldn't do.
At first we had no clue where we were going, but we dressed up and got in Erilyn's car Suzy. Vans looked edgy in her zebra striped one sleeve shirt and fedora, Erilyn looked classy but out-there in her black one sleeve with red underneath and a bun, and I just looked preppy in my free Hollister shirt and flower headband. Oops.
We decided to crash a YSA stake dance in Orem (don't worry. We knew one person in the stake - Sarah's second cousin Katie, whom we love dearly), but we were going to be way too early (only half an hour after it started!), so we went to the mall for food. On our way to the food court, we were very distracted. Forever XXI has the strangest mannequins... Which requires prompt imitation....
Sorry Ben, Vans found a new man. This is about when we were told to stop by an employee...
Remember how we were on our way to the food court? Well, we took too long. They were closed by the time we got to that end of the mall, so it didn't happen. Worth it for the mannequins? Yes.
Then we went to the Stake Valentine's dance. We didn't know anyone there, which immediately leads to acting like complete fools. We danced harder than almost anyone, and had a blast just being ridiculous. And their weird pillar decorations were just asking for it (they were actually a cute idea, if I'm being honest. Just a little...funny. :) ).

"One Grecian urn..."
Excited?
Maybe not.
I have no idea what is going on in this picture, but I absolutely love it. Weird.

We're cool.
 Then we went to Sparks, this place in Provo that serves mocktails. For those not from Utah/Provo, mocktails are really yummy drinks that look like cocktails, but are nonalcoholic. They actually are fun, but are an interesting commentary on Mormon culture - we don't have a club/bar scene, so we make up things like mocktails - nonalcoholic drinks that are mimicking alcoholic drinks - to feel cool. hmmm.
Waiting
What a cute couple. :)
classy with a kiwi drink
Wow. I wish I was that cool.
Yep. I look preppy. And my drink matches my shirt. But it was really good - blackberry raspberry.


What a fun night! Next time, we will try a new scene. Maybe a concert outside of Sammy's cafe. Or maybe our next adventure will be the Holi festival. In either case, it will be a slightly different crowd. After all, Provo is an exceedingly diverse place (*cough*). Well, at least it is trying. :)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tank Full of Faith

You know, this blog in general is more like a public journal than anything. Sorry that doesn't mean that I share a lot of cool, fun things I'm doing. It consists more of me telling you what I'm thinking, partially because I'm not doing that many cool, fun things.
This semester has been hard. Really hard. I have never been so busy in my entire life. Besides Sundays (thank the Lord for Sundays), all my time is spent doing school, work, sleeping, or eating. And honestly, I'm not working, sleeping, or eating really that much (sorry mom). I feel like I am constantly running from one class to another, from one homework assignment to another, and just going until I drop unconscious for a couple of hours in the night time (or day time, depending if I had time during the night before). I will be too busy to go home an eat at all in a day, and stay up late and wake up early doing homework. It is a constant barrage of things I should be doing. I am barely keeping my head above water.
And as I run up four flights of stairs to be on time to work or turn in my math assignment (because the elevator is too slow), I start to wonder why I don't just drop dead on the spot. It seems that I am constantly exhausted and hungry. I think, "why don't my legs just refuse to take the next step? How do they do it?" and "why does my brain submit to do this next math problem? Why doesn't it just go into a mental break-down?" How can I constantly be a day late and a dollar short and still manage to mostly make it? That doesn't make sense. I should be laying collapsed somewhere in the Talmage or Eyring. Really.
I've learned that it is because I'm not doing it by myself. When my tank is empty, somehow liquid faith seems to make up for the lack of food and sleep. I don't think my engine would be running without it. When I just have enough oil and meal for one more day, somehow the "cruise of oil faileth not" and the handful of meal still is there. I "just keep swimming", just keep walking, just take one more step. I make it to tomorrow, and when I get there, somehow there is enough left in my empty tank to make it to the next tomorrow. It doesn't make sense at all, but it works. I don't even want to consider what would happen if I let my busy-ness prevent me from personal prayer and scripture study, or what would happen if I did homework on Sunday. I really might fall dead on the spot.
Thank goodness that an empty tank can run on faith. Who knew. I didn't think I could handle this much, and really I can't. Good thing I'm not soloing this one. And you know? Life is good.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Cucumber Sandwiches

Because I am the proud owner of a tea set (from Claire's bridal shower), I felt a huge need to pull it out and put it to use.
So I threw a tea party.
I encouraged everyone to dress up, and spent hours making the perfect tea party foods. We had hand squeezed lemonade (amazing! Made by Elise Evans, my roommate, also the photographer), cucumber avocado and cranberry turkey sandwiches, thumbprint cookies, cupcakes (by Erilyn), and cream puffs (provided by Claire). I was most excited about the cucumber sandwiches because of the movie/play the Importance of Being Ernest. I guess that means that I should have also had muffins, but I just didn't have time.
Making sure everything is perfect



Finger sandwiches are essential

Floppy hats are a great idea.

Pearls and lemonade

Everyone seemed to have a great time. It was fun how excited even 20 year old (or older) girls get about dressing up and feeling feminine with a tea cup in hand. Accents, vintage dresses and pinkies all came out for a good time. They insisted that we do it again soon, and even wanted to start a book club or Jane Austen movie parties. I was glad to have started it all.
Now that I have practiced, I am going to do it again, but larger and better, and get people to bring things. I have had a few boys beg me to invite them as well, which I am considering. Of course they would have to wear suits, look nice, and not make fun of anything. It's going to be great.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Feeling Loved

This semester I have a job. Yep, a job. This is the first time that I have worked while going to school at BYU. For the longest time I didn't want to work while doing school because I was afraid that it would hurt my grades. But I decided to get a job this semester because I thought it would be good work experience, and because I need the money.
So I work in the Physics 106/123/220 TA lab. I sit in a room full of tables and whiteboards and wait for students to need help with their homework. The room has no windows, and is a random L shape. It really isn't that cool of a room. But I am happy out of my mind whenever I'm there.
Today I was wandering around waiting for someone to ask me a question, wearing a huge (big size fits all) ugly green vest and a name tag, when another TA called me over to a student. He was protesting loudly, "I really can explain this!!" Her response was priceless, "Yeah, but I just get it when she explains it. I like it when she helps me." The muscles in my face got all sorts of excited, pulling my mouth into a big grin, and pulling my eyes all wrinkly and small. What the love of a student can do for a TA. This girl actually sent away another TA that tried to help her because she preferred me. She learns best from me.
This would be super exciting by itself, but she isn't the only one. I feel like I'm tooting my own horn, but I don't think anyone else is stepping up (well, besides the students, I guess) to blow it, so I will anyway. I have had other students who stop putting up their stick when they have a question (that is the system. They put a colored stick corresponding to their class in a holder on the table to get help) and just wait for me to look their direction or walk past to snag my help so another TA won't come over. Or I will help them with one problem, and they try to keep me to help them with every problem. Or they will try to keep me to help them study for their test - review everything with them. Obviously I can't just stay with one student for a long time without neglecting the other students, but sometimes I get trapped by my own enthusiasm.
Today a student wanted me to help him with a problem. Fairly soon he was asking all sorts of questions totally unrelated to the problem on hand - everything that ever really bothered him in physics. Because what a lot of physics teachers/professors don't admit is that sometimes what they teach you in class goes against what you experience in real life. And sometimes students get tired of just having faith in what they don't actually believe because it doesn't feel true. Because the thing is that real life isn't as simple as what we like to pretend it is in physics. I'll admit it. Air resistance and flow (not to mention viscosity of air), friction, variations in gravity, non linear effects, and non elastic collisions all exist. It's true. And beyond that there is so much more. Anyway, the point is that I think I changed his life. It was so cool. This guy was just venting to me about how he believed that air was there and that it had weight, but it actually doesn't fall, so the gravity isn't really doing anything on it after all because he knew I would listen to his questions and actually try to answer them.
When he had fully vented and was satisfied (for now) with my answers, I looked at the clock and realized that I had stayed 20 minutes after I was supposed to be off. Oops. He felt terrible, but I smiled and explained, "I love my job. I feel like a total nerd, but I love my job." A couple students looked up and smiled (chuckled even), but I smiled bigger then any of them.
And when another student (another of my regulars) stopped me on my way out the door for one last question even though I wasn't wearing a vest or name tag anymore, I couldn't help but stop and help him.
And as I skipped home, half an hour late and absolutely happy, I knew I was in the right major.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Just a Thought

Recently dating has been on my mind.
I know, weird.
But here is my short thought: sometimes two people may be compatible and attracted to each other, but it still might not work out because of differences in expectations.
Example: if a guy expects a girlfriend who is exciting and outgoing, good to show off to the guy friends, and a good kisser, he better not try to date me. Not that I can't be those things, but I expect to be a girlfriend who is a little predictable, a friend to talk to, and someone to hold hands with on a long walk. It's all in the attitude.
(of course there is a lot more to it than that, but that shows what I mean.)
He could be really nice, and really a good guy, just raised with different expectations for relationships than me. It happens. I'm pretty conservative.
The other way works too: I expect a guy who wants to listen about my day, is excited to put aside other things to spend time with me, and has a shoulder for me to put my head on during a movie.
But what if he expects to do more than talk or listen, to spend money on gifts and flowers, and to be a manly man influence in my life.
That wouldn't really work out.
Maybe I'm doomed to die an old maid. That's okay, too.

(just kidding. don't worry. ;)  )

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

San Diego

I love Christmas!! I love my family. What a wonderful break that was. Annie visited from North Carolina with Neal and Joseph, and Amy, Marc, and Ethan drove up from St. George. It was so fun (and a little crazy) to have the whole family together again, and sleep all in the same house.
This post is mainly going to be pictures. I think it is about time. :)
Our big Christmas present was a trip to San Diego. I was super excited because I had never seen the ocean before, so some of these pictures are from there, too. Enjoy!!

Joseph is a cutie. :)

Mom's tree is amazing these days.

Sadly, when Amy, Marc, and Ethan got there, I forgot to take pictures on MY camera of Ethan! He's super cute, too, with a big grin, lots of brown hair, and beautiful eyes.
Dad bought us all sunglasses. Apparently these are my personality. *shrug*

This was my reaction to the ocean: SUPER EXCITED!





Willie managed to get a lot of epic pictures by the ocean. I will include a few.




We went to the Mormon Battalion visitor's center, and Willie was nice enough to volunteer (ahem, as in, Dad volunteered him.)

Willie's innocent face. He had no idea what was coming. The food at La Pinata was fabulous, but Willie had food poisoning all night.


The San Diego Temple is gorgeous!






Beluga Whale

Biff was in our favorite show: Sea Lions Live. He was hilarious.



San Diego

An often occurrence on our vacation. Classic.

Possibly my favorite picture from the trip. Yes, that is a women's bathroom sign.

This was in a tide pool. Anemones! Shortly after this, I dropped my camera in a tide pool. Fail.

By Study and Also by Faith

An important process that all scientists and science majors have to go through is the the discovery of their personal internal interplay between science and religion. I would claim that everyone has to do this, but more specifically people that face it every day. Those that set the discussion aside and try not to address it or make a solid opinion make a decision by indecision, which is almost never a good idea.
I was in a (*big breath*) History and Philosophy of Science with an Emphasis on Biology class (phew! Long name!). I absolutely loved it. Every day we would discuss something about the history or philosophy of science, discussing its developments historically, and the assumptions that have to be made to use science as a method of learning. Since I am at BYU, a major part of the course was the interplay between science and religion. Since the course has an emphasis on Biology (there isn't a Physics equivalent, so Physics Teaching majors get to take this class, too), there was a huge part on evolution, and how that fits with religion. We had a ton of class discussion, and my professor exposed us to a lot of the different views out there. I would love to say that our discussion was unbiased, but that would be a horrible lie, I know. First of all, we are mostly LDS scientists, so we wanted to find a way to make it work, and secondly, even a teacher trying as hard as Dr. Peck was to have an unbiased opinion will always fault towards a bias. That is human nature. It is very difficult if not impossible to find any unbiased information (actually, this was a huge discussion in our class - is science subjective, against all of its claims?). Anyway, I have been reading a lot of articles and a few books, and really been enjoying our class discussion on the subject. I have come to some conclusions that really ring true to me, and although I am still pondering how science and religion fit together in my life, I have really found my own personal sense of peace about the whole thing.
But after I had thought through everything so thoroughly, I tried to share what I thought was enlightenment with a few of my friends, and failed miserably. I left with the impression that they thought I was a raging liberal secularist, and that somehow my views were against our religion. I may have offended them. I also left with the feeling that although I had found peace, I had failed to express my basic beliefs that everything else was founded on. So to make myself feel better, and to really pin down what it is I believe, I am going to make you all read about it. :) If you disagree with me, that's okay. Don't be offended. Tell me what you don't agree with. If you think I totally missed the mark, let me know. I can't possibly talk about everything here, either. There is a lot I don't know. Keep that in mind. My biggest goal is to make you think about it, and hopefully open your eyes to what the discussion really is. It's gonna be long. I'm sorry in advance.

Defined
Science, defined by Dictionary.com noun: the systematic study of the nature and behavior of the material and physical universe, based on observation, experiment and measurement, and the formulation of laws to describe these facts in general terms.
An important part of the discussion is what you define science and religion to be. I really like this definition. Science really is a search for truth, and the scientific method is the way that science finds that truth. The assumption that has to be made is that all truth can be observed and measured, and that there is no truth that cannot be measured - that there is no reality beyond that which we can see with our senses. Otherwise the scientific method wouldn't be good enough to find any truth. Of course, religion does not use this assumption. In fact I would claim that true religion goes beyond what can be measured, and really the point of religion is that there is more than just the obvious reality. Religion is not science, and cannot be studied by science, because a belief in God requires faith, and faith is "not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if you have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." (Alma 32:21, emphasis added) The feeling the spirit is not something that can be measured, and we are even taught that everyone feels the spirit differently. Science requires that experiments are not only explainable by physical laws and measurable (which feeling the spirit is not), but also that it is repeatable, which if it is different for everyone, it is not. [Note: I do think it is cool that the scriptures encourage us to use something similar to the scientific method to test out the truth of the word. Alma 32 talks about this, and so does Moroni 10:4-5. However, this still doesn't fit under the definition of science today because it is testing the existence of something that cannot be explained by physical laws.] Another important aspect of science is that it is refutable. It has to be possible to disprove a theory, or it can't be called science. The existence of God can't be tested or disproved, so a belief in God is not scientific. That doesn't mean that isn't true, it just means that the assumption science is based off of fails in this case. Religious belief is a very personal thing, something you can't just teach someone is true - they have to learn it for themselves.

I'm starting to realize that I could talk forever about this subject. I could write a book, just like all those other people that have opinions but really aren't experts on a subject. That no one would read. So I am going to get to my main points - miracles and science (because isn't that the main conflict anyway?) and evolution (oooohh the "e" word!!).

Miracles. Scientists often look at them with the "yeah, but what really happened" kind of attitude. Like there is something perfectly understandable going on here, and we just don't have all of the information. But the thing is, religion is really based around miracles, and specifically Christianity is based around the miracle of Christ's resurrection. You can argue against the literal reading of a lot of scripture, but that is something that cannot be ignored without disregarding what he did for us. In order for his story to be the center of a person's religious belief, they actually have to believe that indeed he did die, and actually did rise from the dead on the third day. He broke the bands of death. So where do universal natural laws fall in here? How can we make it work? Do we believe that God keeps natural laws when it is convenient, but then breaks them when it isn't? Do we believe that God can really go around breaking laws when he wants to? But don't the scriptures teach that God must obey laws or he would "cease to be God" (laws of justice and mercy Alma 42, be unchanging Mormon 9)? My personal opinion follows closely to what is stated in the Bible Dictionary (although, technically speaking, the Bible Dictionary isn't scripture. It is subject to change, and is just a representation of the best scholarly knowledge we have about these subjects. Read the preface).
"Miracles. An important element in the work of Jesus Christ, being not only divine acts, but forming also a part of the diving teaching. Christianity is founded on the greatest of all miracles, the resurrection of our Lord. If that be admitted, other miracles cease to be improbable. Miracles should not be regarded as deviations from the ordinary course of nature so much as manifestations of divine or spiritual power. Some lower law was in each case superseded by the action of a higher."
God performs miracles by obeying a higher law, not by breaking lower ones. This really fits with my view of the nature of the universe.

Okay. Evolution. The scary topic. The unapproachable. Before I begin, I would first like to express my pet peeve. I absolutely hate it when people argue against evolution without knowing anything about it. You know what I am talking about - those people who have living room discussions about how stupid scientists are for believing in evolution - how dumb can those scientist people be? - without ever looking into what those scientists are saying, the evidence they are using to back up the claim, or even trying to really understand the topic! What ever made you an expert? Have some humility! I am not claiming to be an expert, but I have looked into it. I admit that there is a lot I don't know. By all means, don't believe anything I say just because I say it. Don't believe anything your dad or bishop says about evolution just because they say it either. Do your own research.
Of course, if the church came out with an official stand, I would follow God's direction. However, I haven't found anything that says the official church stand on the method of the creation of the earth. I have found quotes of a lot of opinions on evolution, many of them conflicting by different apostles. Anti-evolutionists point to the book by Joseph F. Smith called "the Origin of Man", but after he published it, the church actually made an official statement that what he wrote was his personal opinion, and not doctrine (Interestingly they also made it clear that those who wrote against him also weren't speaking doctrine. Neither side has the church's support). Here are a few of the clearest quotes I have found.

"It is said in this book (the Bible) that God made the earth in six days. This is a mere term, but it matters not whether it took six days, six months, six years, or six thousand years. The creation occupied certain periods of time. We are not authorized to say what the duration of these days was, whether Moses penned these words as we have them, or whether the translators of the Bible have given the words their intended meaning. However, God created the world." ~Brigham Young
 So first of all, I think we can do away with the young earth theory. I personally believe that the earth is older than a few thousand years, and it sounds like Brigham Young thinks it doesn't really matter how long it took. The important part is that God did, indeed create the world.
The real question of evolution in our religion is the evolution of man. As I have heard many people say, "I am okay that evolution happens, I have accepted that species can change. The part I don't believe is that man evolved." I completely understand that this is the hard part. In fact, it is still hard for me to reconcile the two thoughts in my mind - the special creation of man in the image of God or the evidence that science has offered of man's evolution. There is a fossil record of the stages of man's evolution. I believe in science and that it is one way to learn truth. Teaching science will be my career someday as a Physics teacher. I can't really just pick and choose what major theories to believe - that seems finicky and proud (thinking I know best). There is a load of evidence supporting evolution. So how do I deal with this? Here are some quotes for you to chew on.

Referring to quotations about the creation of man in the scriptures the Improvement Era in 1910, edited by Joseph F. Smith, prophet at the time said
"These are the authentic statements of the scriptures, ancient and modern, and it is best to rest with these, until the Lord shall see fit to give more light on the subject. Whether the mortal bodies of man evolved in natural processes to present perfection, through the direction and power of God; whether the first parents of our generations, Adam and Eve, were transplanted from another sphere, with immortal tabernacles, which became corrupted through sin and the partaking of natural foods, in the process of time; whether they were born here in mortality, as other mortals have been, are questions not fully answered in the revealed word of God."

Here are some official Church statements.
"The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints, basing its belief on divine revelation, ancient and modern, declares man to be the direct and lineal offspring of Deity…Man is the child of God, formed in the divine image and endowed with divine attributes…The scriptures tell why man was created, but they do not tell how, though the Lord has promised that he will tell that when he comes again" (D&C 101:32-33) (Official Statement by the First Presidency in 1909, repeated in 1925 emphasis added).
"Upon the fundamental doctrines of the Church we are all agreed. Our mission is to bear the message of the restored gospel to the world. Leave geology, biology, archeology, and anthropology, no one of which has to do with the salvation of the souls of mankind to scientific research, while we magnify our calling in the realm of the Church…Upon one thing we should all be able to agree, namely, that Presidents Joseph F. Smith, John R. Winder, and Anthon H. Lund were right when they said: “adam is the primal parent of our race” [First Presidency Minutes, Apr. 7, 1931]
So the church really hasn't said that evolution of man couldn't have happened. We do believe that man is made in the image of God, and that we are the children of God. We do believe that Adam was the beginning of "man", whatever that means. So if I believed in evolution, where would it switch over from those humans that we evolved from to those that are in the image of God and have spirits that are spirit children of God?  When did it start counting as the people that Christ would someday die for? If there was an Adam and Eve that were the beginning of our human race, why doesn't the fossil record (and human genes for that matter - one of the best evidences for evolution) show a bottle-neck of two parents that fathered our whole species (Not to mention a second bottle neck at Noah)? But if I don't believe that evolution happened, if I believe that God created all species basically as they are, and that there was no death before the fall of Adam, and therefore no evolution, how do I justify myself as a scientist? How do I ignore all the evidence? How can I be so choosy?
One of the most comforting quotes I have ever heard was given by Deiter F. Uchtdorf in a CES fireside. It wasn't really the point of his talk, but it captured my attention.
"Fear not; ask questions. Be curious, but doubt not! Always hold fast to faith and to the light you have already received. Because we see imperfectly in mortality, not everything is going to make sense right now. In fact, I should think that if everything did make sense to us, it would be evidence that it had all been made up by a mortal mind. Remember that God has said: "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways... For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Nevertheless, you know that one of the purposes of mortality is to become more like your Heavenly Father in your thoughts and in your ways. Viewed from this perspective, searching for answers to your questions can bring you closer to God, strengthening your testimony instead of shaking it. (see Matthew 7:16-20; John 7:17; Alma 32:41-43)."
So it is okay for me to have these questions. It doesn't make me a bad person to believe in science as long as I keep my faith strong. Asking these questions can bring me closer to God if I turn to him for answers, and believe that the answer is there. I do believe that Christ literally came, that he lived, died, and rose again on the third day to save me. I believe that in a very real, literal sense I can be saved and become perfected, and live with God forever. Maybe God did use evolution. That's okay. He knows the eternal, highest laws that I can't even comprehend right now, and his actions obey them. He knows all things, and someday I can become like him, and I will know all things, too. So I can live with the fact that everything doesn't line up perfectly right now, because I know it will. In the meantime, I will continue learning, and trying to find the best truth available to me right now.
"Our religion.. .embraces every principle of truth and intelligence pertaining to us as moral, intellectual, mortal and immortal beings, pertaining to this world and the world that is to come. We are open to truth of every kind, no matter whence it comes, where it originates, or who believes in it...
A man in search of truth has no peculiar system to sustain, no peculiar dogma to defend or theory to uphold; he embraces all truth, and that truth, like the sun in the firmament, shines forth and spreads its effulgent rays over all creation, and if men will divest themselves of bias and prejudice, and prayerfully and conscientiously search after truth, they will find it wherever they turn their attention." ~ John Taylor