First of all, I realized why I love blogging. I am addicted, and sometimes when I am doing normal things I think about how I could blog about it. Why? I think it is because of my major. I had no creative release this semester! I was in mostly science-y and math-y classes, and I had no form of creative expression. I need something creative in my life. I have been keeping a better journal, and this blog also serves as a kind of journal. My brain is still creative, and still likes to be philosophical in my science classes. So it is. And here you are, reading the result.
I moved home! So it seems I have made up my mind about this summer. It is good to be back. Our family seems to get along even better this summer - we are growing up. I won't work until the week of May 10th, but that doesn't seem that far away anymore, especially with how busy I've kept myself this week. Yesterday I visited Provo (I know, less than a week after I left) with Jessica. It was strange to go on campus and see people going to classes when I am not, but at the same time it was a relief. I need break.
I got my grades for this last semester, and they were all that I could hope they would be. All A's except a B+ in Physics (I hate electricity and magnetism - good thing I won't have to teach that). That includes Linear Algebra!!! I got a 90 on the final, and I only needed a 87 to get an A. It was a good boost to my math self esteem after the Calc 2 episode Fall semester. I love linear algebra! Mostly because I'm good at it, I guess.
Direct result: my grades were high enough to pull up my GPA to the point where I will get to keep my scholarship next year!! That is a lot of money, and a lot of relief.
After finals, I sat down fully intending to whip out a watercolor painting, but Artist April had other plans, and threw out a charcoal drawing instead. It is tiny, and not very detailed, but it captures something. I think, anyway.
Excited: she did it! I already told you all about that.
Sad: Married people and single people don't hang out very easily.
Stressed: I am giving a toast at the reception and I don't even know how. And I will help with the whole process.
Happy: I get to be there. I have a wonderful friend. She's getting married in the temple.
Claire called me the other day to tell me about her engagement pictures and even emailed some to me. With all of this wedding stuff on my mind, I feel old and old maidish (which really is silly). Thinking about it, I realized something. Marriage is not = maturity.
That doesn't seem like that big of a revelation, but it really was. I am just as mature as Claire and Mindy. I've met married people that I am sadly more mature than. But that has nothing to do with it. Marriage happens at the right time, the right place, with the right person, and when you are ready in other ways than maturity. I am not ready. This whole time, knowing that I wasn't ready to be married, I thought it was because I was immature. Not so! (not that I'm super mature) It is because I'm not ready! I'm not ready for the commitment, the responsibility, the boy, or to leave the singles' world. I can be mature and still not be ready. I'm happy to still be with no strings attached.
Along similar lines, I have started to notice that I have indeed, started to grow up. I'm afraid that I will be silly for my entire life, but silliness and maturity aren't enemies. Look at my mom.
And you know, it feels good. I like it. :)
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