Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit

Dear Family,

Right now I am just so happy. I can't even explain it. I am just SO happy. I love being a missionary! :)

I'm glad you like my journal so much. :) I thought you might. I knew that there was no way I could tell you everything through letters and emails, so I thought you would like that. Don't judge because there are a few embarrassing things in there, so those parts are just for you. I really wanted you to know what it is like to be a missionary. :) Keep in mind that I've grown a lot since that journal, so some of the things that were hard then aren't anymore. It's amazing to see how much I have grown. I feel like I'm living a mini life out here in Missouri, and so I've lived about 3 years in normal life rather than just 3 months. I love it. I'm also glad that you are learning from what I've been learning. Mom, I learned that from the Holy Ghost as I've studied and thought about it. I don't think anyone taught me that, but I know that it is true. It feels so true to me.

Okay. This week.

So last Thursday after I emailed you, Sister Dodd got sick. She had a fever and a headache. But we had a really important appointment with Selene, so I dropped her off at the Visitors' Center and picked up Sister Thorne to come with me. It was my first time driving in the mission field because I just barely passed off my lessons, and I had to do it without Sister Dodd! I was really nervous to go without her. Sister Thorne is a brand new missionary, so that was nerve racking, too, but of all of the Sisters that I could have taken with me, I just had a good feeling about taking her. On the list, her name just stood out to me. So, as missionaries do, I went against logic and went with it.

We made it to our appointment, and had dinner with her (we actually had two dinner appointments that night, but we thought it would be worth it to let Selene have the opportunity to serve us. I thought it would make her more comfortable and open). Last time we met with her, she gave us homework. She really doesn't like the idea that people have that all good things come from God and the devil made me do any bad things, so basically I have no responsibility for what happens to me. So we studied up on it, and I had a huge list of scriptures on call, but in the end we just stayed in 2 Nephi 2, which is the best chapter ever on the topic. We talked about how we have the power to choose eternal happiness or eternal misery. We are tempted by the devil and the Holy Ghost/Light of Christ prompt us to do good, but we choose which we follow. Blessings come from obedience, and consequences follow sin, but it is our choice. It was a wonderful discussion.

Then she told us that she had a series of questions that would lead to a bigger idea/concern she wanted to talk about. We agreed. She asked us, Why do bad things happen to good people? Do you regret the bad things that have happened to you? What does it mean to have a broken heart and contrite spirit? The first question is a normal investigator question, but it was definitely leading to ground that is less covered by most investigators. I'll let you try to answer those questions on your own, but basically, Selene doesn't regret the bad things she's been through because they made her who she is. She's done wrong things and now recognizes that they didn't bring her happiness, but she learned from them, so she doesn't feel broken up about it. In her baptist upbringing, the whole point of a sermon on Sunday was to bring members of the congregation to realize that they are horrible, worthless sinners, to the point of being absolutely broken up about it, sobbing. They then move to the front of the room and say a prayer in which they accept Jesus into their lives. So that's what she thinks "broken heart and contrite spirit" means. We had a wonderful discussion about it.

I don't have permission to share everything we talked about, so I won't, but that lesson was a miracle. Sister Thorne shared some experiences that were very difficult in her past (not sins, but very hard trials). Selene loved it. She had the very same experiences when she was young. They connected. Sister Thorne bore her testimony of the light the gospel has brought to her life and how it strengthened her through the hard times. The spirit was so strong. I know that Selene was supposed to meet Sister Thorne. It had to happen. I didn't even have to be there for that lesson--it could have easily been Sister Dodd--but Sister Thorne was supposed to go there. Amazing.

Sister Thorne also told me of another miracle that I wasn't even aware of until later. During the lesson she felt prompted to share Nephi's Psalm. It's been very meaningful to her recently, but she didn't really see how it connected to what we were talking about. But she was obedient and talked about it, then started sharing a bit of it. She started reading in a kind of random place (v 32), reading out loud. "May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite!" I heard something happen in her voice at this point, but she kept reading until v 34. She had no idea that it talked about broken heart and contrite spirit in those verses. She just was prompted to read them, and she found out the same time as the rest of us that it references it there. Wow.

So we talked about what it really means to have a broken heart and contrite spirit, and what repentence really is. Having regrets isn't what the gospel is about. It is recognizing that we broke eternal laws and that we need to change. It means recognizing that right NOW we need Christ to be whole and being willing to accept His help. The gospel is all about changing. Recognizing that not only can we change, but we have to, and we CAN, through the atonement. I love this gospel so much. :)

It was a miracle lesson. We saw more miracles that night, but that was the main one. Her homework for our next visit was the idea of a submissive wife and our church's view on it. Got it covered. Oh, by the way, she's finished with the Book of Mormon now. She's reading the D&C.

Our next visit with her was on Tuesday. Tuesday was exchanges, so I didn't get to go (I was with Sister Minall, one of my favorite sisters in Independence), but it was another miracle lesson. They taught her the 3rd lesson, but focused on Faith and Baptism. They asked her if she had thought more about baptism since we last talked about it. She said she thinks this is the right path for her and she wants to be baptized!!! She hasn't set a date yet, but she's looking at end of February, beginning of March. YAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!! I am so happy for her! This will make her so happy and fill in all of the wholes in her life that she's dealt with her whole life! It won't be easy to tell her Baptist family about, but I just am so happy about it. It's exciting to see the first real progressing investigator I've helped find move toward baptism. So exciting!!

Saturday was also a day of miracles. We had only one appointment with an widow in our ward that likes us to visit, so we did a lot of contacting. Most of it was not going anywhere, but then Sister Dodd was like, "Hey, I have an idea. Turn here. Okay, turn here. Okay, park there." I was thinking, what on earth are we doing? Okay. I'll go with it.

She told me that she just remembered a former investigator that lived near here, and decided we should go visit her. So we were walking down the stree (it was a beautiful day, probably in the 60's) and there was a woman loading her kids into her car. We stopped and talked to her, and she was super nice! We got a return appointment! She said she knew a member in Odessa (near here). Then we kept walking. The former wasn't home, but it was a beautiful day, so let's try some more doors. There was a woman outside smoking so we went and talked to her. She was nice, too. At first I really thought she wasn't interested, but then she seemed excited to get a pamphlet. She doesn't live there--it's her cousin's house--but she's seen our church before in Lee's Summit, and she's thought about visiting some time. We gave her the address and time of sacrement, and she said she would love to come sometime. She's been looking for a church. Then we kept walking down the street and decided to try one more house. I picked. As we were walking up, a young boy came out the front door. "oh. MOOoom. Someone's here!" She came out. She was super nice, too!! What?! This never happens! Her name was Marquita, and her son's name was Shawndarious. We got a return appointment with her, and she seemed really genuine. "Yeah, whenever my car is here, I'm home and you are welcome to come over." That is not something someone who is going to avoid us later would say. :)

So it was a morning of miracles. Three nice people on one street? That doesn't happen. And they were all women. I've started to notice that our area was really made for sisters. Right now all of the work to be done is with women. How inspired. And Sister Dodd is so inspired to have us go there! I'm always amazed at how inspired she is. She really has a gift for listening to the spirit on where we should go next. It's amazing.

We had a really funny lesson this week with Immaculate (remember her? She's from Cameroon). I don't have a ton of time, so you get the shortened version. We walked in, and there was no way the heater was on. She complained about the cold. She got out a space heater, and the little screen said it was 58 degrees in her house. It was blowing, but the number didn't ever change on the screen. brr. She offered us cake, and we had just eaten a huge meal, but we couldn't say no, so we took the cake. It was homemade, and very gross. It was dry, grainy, dense, and flavorless. Ick. But we choked it down and said thank you. It was actually a really good lesson, but it was getting darker and darker outside, and she didn't turn on any lights. It got to the point where I couldn't even really see her anymore. I mean, her skin is so dark anyway, and then it was SO dark in that room. But we kept teaching (no scriptures were read--there was no way we could read them). She didn't seem to notice. I kept forcing small bites of the dry cake into my mouth. I thought I gag from how dry it was and how full I was. I looked up and noticed that Sister Dodd's cake had suddenly disappeared, but it was so dark I didn't see what had happened to it. Then I realized that she must have snuck it into her pocket! I was so jealous because I knew I couldn't do the same thing with the pockets in my coat. I was laughing my head off internally at everything that was happening. It was hilarious.

Really the only other thing worth talking about that happened this week is that yesterday was District Meeting. It was a crazy day, and our district is awesome, but kind of crazy. After District Meeting we went out to lunch. We were sitting there, just chatting because we are all friends in our district, and one of the elders blatantly started hitting on me. It was so awkward! Everyone just went quiet and started at him. I just said. "wow. That's awkward." He tried to fix it but just dug himself deeper. Everyone was just quietly staring at him. It was pretty clear I was very uncomfortable. That is NOT supposed to happen on a mission. Whatever. Weird.

Anyhoo, that was my week. I'm out of time.

But I love you all very much!

I hope you are having a wonderful week!

Love,

Sister April Atkin

P.S. Mom, don't worry about me exercising anymore. Sister Minall was a boxer before her mission, so now she is acting as our trainer every Wednesday and Saturday morning. I'm sore today and it is wonderful. :)

P.P.S. Dad, I had a very strange moment this week. Sister Dodd and I were just talking about our families, and I talked about you, and suddenly I missed you SO badly. I just cried. It came out of nowhere.  I miss you! That was probably the first time I've been homesick out here. I got back to work and got over it, but just know I love you and miss you a lot!!!

P.P.P.S. There is an amazing senior couple at the VC called the Andersons. They are from Canada and I think of them as adopted grandparents. I love them! So when I have gospel questions, I go to them. I love them! This week we talked about blood. hahah, I know, weird. But I've been thinking about it. Try to piece together these random thoughts: God has a perfect body because He doesn't have blood. He has something else. Christ is the Son of God, and his blood washes us clean and white while other people's blood stains us and cries from the ground against the wicked. So what all is the symbolism of our blood compared to that of God's and Christ's? One stains the other cleans? Christ could have lived forever if he hadn't been killed--was that because of His blood that He inherited from His Father? Just think about it. Interesting.