Filth

Last night I had a horrible experience. I've been stewing about it, so I am going to vent to you in the hopes that it will lighten my mind.
Two guys in my ward invited me to go to this comedy thing. They are both great guys, so I trusted them. It was an open mic thing, and they wanted to try their hand at real comedy (they have done ward comedy shows and stuff). So they invited me along for fun because they were nervous.
It was in SLC, so we drove up pretty early to get them on the list. We got there and they were pretty excited. We bought pizza and they went over their jokes. Then we went to the thing. The MC swore a little and had a few dirty things in his opening, but we thought that it would get better and the guys so badly wanted their turn that we stayed.
It didn't get better. It got much much worse. Some of the audience was definitely getting drunk. The comedians were not even attempting to be vague about the filth they were presenting as comedy. Even if I had liked filth, it wouldn't have been funny. I don't know why I stayed as long as I did; I suppose I was waiting for the guys to protect me or to be the leaders--I trusted them. They didn't. After listening to the absolutely most degrading, dehumanizing, disgusting filth I have ever heard in my life for a seemingly immeasurable amount of time, I finally walked out. One of the guys came out with me and asked me if I was okay.
But they still wanted their turn, so we stayed. I went back in just long enough to hear them do their parts, and then we left. We talked about it for just a second--long enough for them to briefly say sorry and say that it was the nastiest stuff they had ever heard, and then they changed topics and expected me to get over it and laugh with them the way back. I didn't.
When I am really upset like that, I retreat. I go all blank faced and stony. We got back and they said bye, and sorry again, and I walked into my apartment. As soon as the door was shut, I just knelt down and sobbed. My roommate had just moved out, so I was alone. I was very upset.
I texted my best friend Erilyn and she came over to comfort me. What I would have done without her, I have no idea. She ran her fingers through my hair and helped me breathe. She even slept over to make sure I was okay. Thank you, Erilyn!!
Now I am alone again and I am trying to heal and detox my brain. I do want you to know that these guys are good people. They weren't comfortable there either. But they stayed. I was really mad at them (mostly just one of them that I had really trusted) for a few hours, but I now see that it does no good. It happened. They have to live with that in their brains, too. It's no wonder that people think the world is such a horrible place.
As I was talking to Erilyn about it, I realized that I want to go on a mission even more. Not to run away from having to deal with stuff like that, but to find people who are stuck in the mire, those people who have stopped seeing the beauty in life and in other human beings and bring them the light and hope that I have. I want to help those people who are suffocating in the dark like I felt I was for that short period of time. There is beauty and light and even joy in the world! It is real! Christ lives, and through Him we can find peace, joy, happiness, real success, light, strength, purity, and the power to change our lives for the better. I know that I can use the atonement to heal my heart and to help me feel clean again. Life is valuable and can be used for good and I am determined to do it.
I have also learned my lesson. I can't trust other people to protect me anymore. I'm grown up. I will never let anything like that happen again. I will have the strength stand up and walk out, even without my friends who are also good people. What a small price to pay for a clean conscience!
Thank you. My load feels lighter already.