Waiting for the Mail

I think it is about time that I finally wrote a post about my plans for the next year.
I'm going on a mission.
It's really happening.
Tuesday night I met with a member of the stake presidency (now that I think of it, I have no idea what his name was or what his position was in the stake, but I'm told it should have been a member of the stake presidency) to finalize my papers. Now all I can do is wait until my call arrives within three weeks.
It was short, but it was beautiful. He looked over my papers, asked me a few questions about my background, and lots of questions about my worthiness and reasons for going on a mission. It was amazing. As I explained to him why I was going on a mission, it clicked. It just fit. I bore the most clear, meaningful testimony I have ever born in my life, and it all just felt good to my core. I AM going on a mission!
Getting to this point has been quite a journey. Growing up I never really considered a mission. I thought that missions were for sisters who didn't have other things to do, and that girls that went on missions never got married because when they got back they were too old. I just didn't think it was for me.
Then I remember going to EFY when I was 16, and one of the guys in my company (no, I wasn't even interested in him) asked me if I planned on going on a mission. When I said no, he looked at me strangely and asked me why. I gave him some sort of unsatisfactory answer, and the conversation moved on. But his facial expression really made me think about it - why wouldn't I serve a mission? My mind slowly started to change.
My perspective changed as my guy friends left on missions, and now as all my girl friends are leaving and my guy friends are getting back.
About last November I realized I had to really come to a decision. I've been fasting and praying about it since. But I kept getting a peaceful feeling like God was listening, but no answer. I was patient, with only a few moments of impatience. I had a really cool experience in the temple where we talked about it, and I was basically told that the answer wouldn't fall out of the sky, and that I had to start moving in some direction and make some decision on my own, and then he would tell me. So I started my papers in March. Then I thought I deserved an answer, but it still didn't come. In moments of clarity I would really want to go, and the answer I felt was that it didn't really matter - it was up to me.
And that it pretty much where it stayed for months. I finally decided to just go through with it. I couldn't wait forever, and I don't have housing in the fall, and I was basically just planning on going anyway. I decided that I would go unless I felt a big "no." And I didn't, so I went for it.
Last Tuesday, a week ago, I finally finished. And my call will come in about a week. I don't really understand how I feel about it. I am excited, but it really doesn't feel real. It is still kinda hard for me to talk about how I feel about it, because there is so much. It was (is) hard because I am so filled with so many emotions. There are so many things that scare me about a mission and so many things that I am excited about. I just need to remember how right it felt during my interview. I also need to remember that if I'm not supposed to go on a mission, God would tell me. He wouldn't use fear to keep me home - He would show me some other option or just flat out say no. Fear is not from God. My excitement and testimony are from him, though. :) So here we goooo...