Sunshine in my Soul

Dearest Family,

What a wonderful week it has been! A roller coaster as always (that is mission life), but some of the highest highs of my mission thus far.

So I told you last week that Selene was going to be baptized this Saturday. Well, it happened, but I have a few stories to tell you about how all that went down.

So first of all, this Saturday was the day that we were supposed to have a meeting to check up on how training was going with Sister Lewis. The meeting was at 10, but we decided that a baptism probably could win out, so we scheduled the baptism for 9am (she wanted a morning baptism) knowing that it would make us late to our meeting. So we called the APs and left a message asking for permission to be late to the meeting please call us back.

Well, Elder Poulson called us back. This is how the conversation went:
"Hi, this is Sister Atkin"

"Hi Sister Atkin, this is Elder Poulson. How was your day?" (insert small talk here)

"Well, we got your message. We've talked about it and we have decided that this meeting is more important than your baptism."

*3 seconds of dead silence* I was having an internal war. I waiting for him to say just kidding, but he didn't. I wanted this baptism more than almost anything. Selene's baptism means everything to me. Not only is it my first baptism, it is Selene, who I strongly believe is the major reason I am serving in Lee's Summit right now. She was prepared specifically for me to teach. All of the stress of the day had built into a headache, and I was so tired. I felt like I aged 5 years in those 3 seconds.

"Okay." That was all I could say. Ultimate submission. God, here is everything. You can have it. I will do what I am told to do, even if it breaks my heart. I felt like my insides were torn in half. I held my external self together. barely.

"You were quiet for a minute there, Sister Atkin."

"Um. Yeah."

"You can go to your baptism." (said blandly, continuing the conversation) "How long would it take to drive from there to the mission home? Could you be there by 10:30? ..."

*2 minutes of logistics conversation*

I hung up, walked back into the guide's room (our break room at the VC), sat down on the couch, and exhaled. Sister Lewis was like, "What? Are we good?"

So I told her calmly what had just happened. Well, it started out calmly anyway. Then I got shakey. Then the tears started building up. Then I was basically sobbing.

It was like when it turned out to be just a badly timed joke, I could actually register what had just almost happened. I was entirely in control until it was over.

In that moment I felt a small teensy tiny part of what Abraham must have felt in being told to sacrifice his son -- except that wasn't a joke. All of the promises of his whole life (of my whole, although admittedly short mission) were build into this one son. Crazy. I guess that the baptism would have gone on without me, and that was the one thought I did have while I still thought I couldn't go. That Selene still would be baptized and that was what mattered.

It also kind of proved to myself what I am willing to do for the Lord. It shocked me. This baptism meant more than the world to me. I love Selene SO much. It would have killed me to not go. But somehow in the moment of trial I was willing to give it up to be obedient. Wow. I didn't even argue? That's shocking. I really must be changing out here.

Then the baptism came. It was Saturday--the day. (don't be fooled. A lot more frantic phone calls to organize a baptism that quickly were made). But the day came.

It was beautiful, and bright, and warm. It felt like spring. And we were both glowing as we drove down to the church. We put in Consider the Lillies, which has become my sacred/happy CD. The world was perfect.

Selene came and she was SO excited and happy. We showed her where the white jump suits are, and she changed into one and put on cute, little, white flats to wear until she went into the water. She was beautiful. (pictures attached. The man is Orson, her boyfriend.) Some missionaries brought an investigator and Selene's two sons, daughter-in-law, and grandson all came. It was a good turn out.

The program started and was so perfect. The lady that gave the talk (Sister Reynolds, an amazing ward missionary) was so inspired. The spirit was strong.

Then time for the baptism. Sister Lewis and I got to stand at the top of the stairs of the font holding the towel for her to use when she came up. Best view ever. And she did it!

When she walked up the stairs, we just all cried. And cried. Selene was crying. She was just so happy that it was able to happen. This is what she has been looking for her whole life. It's like she finally made it home. We just cried together.

Then we had to rush back into the room to entertain everyone else while she cleaned up. A ward member told us that in the past the sisters have shown the Special Witnesses DVD in the inbetween time and recommended that we did the same. We thought, why not? So we set it up. Then she told us, right before the baptism, that the sisters had actually just shown their favorite two testimonies from the DVD. (If you haven't seen it, it is the testimonies of the prophet and apostles) Well, it was too late for that because we had never seen it. So decided to just show the first two--Gordon B. Hinckley and Neal A. Maxwell.

Well, it started. And it wasn't what we had expected at all. Gordon B. Hinckley's said, "Oh, Jerusalem, Oh, Jerusalem, Thow who killest the Prophets!' or something like that. There was thunder and lightning. It was pretty dark, and not very happy for a baptism. We sat there watching it wondering if it would be more embarrassing to let it go or to stop it. Selene's nonmember family members were there, and there was an investigator there. We just let it go. The next testimony was about the Abrahamic Covenant and there being other worlds with people on them. Deep doctrine. At this point, Sister Lewis and I were silently shaking with laughter and mortification. We just couldn't wait for it to end. I think it was roughly 7 minutes of torture.

Finally, it ended and Selene came back. We shared our testimonies, and it was basically over. Everyone wrote Selene notes of love and encouragement and left. It was definitely a memorable and amazing day. You know, I think it wouldn't have been perfect if it hadn't had the small part that went wrong. It just completed the day.

We ran off and made it to our meeting only 20 minutes late. Everyone said that when we came in, we were glowing. I was just so happy.

Then on Sunday Selene got confirmed. I made it through the confirmation alright (even though the bishop was totally inspired and talked about things he had no clue about), but when the sacrement came, we were all a wreck. Selene hasn't taken the Sacrement yet, even though we don't tell anyone to not take it. She wanted to wait until she was baptized. So when she took it for the first time, we all fell apart. Good thing I packed tissues. It was so amazing! Like I've said like a million times, I just love her (and Orson, too). :)

After the meeting a High Counselman came and talked to us. He said it was hilarious to watch us. We were alternately beaming or balling. But he was happy for us and that we realized what a big deal it was for a person to be baptized.

So she did it! We made it! And although most of the rest of our investigators are avoiding us now, Selene did it. And she's on her way to getting her patriarchal blessing and a calling and a temple recommend. :) Yay!!

I don't have time to tell you the rest of the little stories that happened this week, like teaching a lady with Alzhiemers and cleaning a cat ladies house (my skirt was a hairball by the time we left), but know it was a good week. Sister Lewis and I have been hitting it off recently. It's like we finally figured each other out and it is making a big difference. I got her to relax enough to be a real person, and now I would say we are friends. She used to be so worried about being perfect that I couldn't connect with her. Now we joke around and tease each other, which is actually important for us to be able to work in unity and communicate with each other. It's been good. :)

This week what I've been studying has been the priesthood and it has blown my mind. I thought it was a simple topic but it turns out I am crazy. I studied Hebrews 1-10 (reading out loud helped) along side D&C 84 and I think I will tackle Alma 13 next. I'm trying to piece them all together. And I realized, I'm not sure what the Oath part of the oath and covenant is. And maybe I don't even know what the covenant is. Hebrews is mostly what has blown my mind. It's pretty cool stuff. The reason is we have an investigator that loves Hebrews, so I had to know what was in there. Turns out I really wonder what he thinks of it. Have you ever heard of the "priesthood of believers"? It's a phrase that came up the other day, but only touched on. I'm really curious what that misconception is.

Anyway, I gotta go, but I love you all! I am very happy--probably the happiest I've ever been on my mission. :D

Have a wonderful day!

Love,

Sister April Atkin